"In Loving Memory" Ideas

I know this post is a bit of a downer, but it's a really important aspect of my relationship with B, and I thought Mike's story was worth sharing.  If nothing else, maybe someone will relate to our story and know that they're not alone.

Over the course of our relationship, B and I have been through a lot together.  He’s lost one aunt to cancer, and has another aunt battling it right now.  My grandpa passed away, shortly followed by the unexpected death of my uncle.  The biggest hurdle we’ve overcome, though, came in June of 2006.

B and I had been dating for a year and a half the night his brother died.  To say that our relationship changed in an instant would be a huge understatement.  Everything changed...for all of us.

The night of the accident was the longest of my life.  To this day, I still have nightmares, reliving the tragic events in my sleep.  Mike was biking home after seeing B perform at a concert downtown when he was struck by a car at an intersection.  The collision threw him from his bicycle and, without a bikers helmet, the doctors pronounced him brain dead almost immediately upon arriving at the hospital.  B's parents were in Missouri on a camping trip, so machines kept Mike on life support throughout the night as we waited for them to arrive.  He left us at approximately 11:30 a.m. the following day.  He was seventeen years old.

Following the accident, B and I both battled depression, struggled with the distance, and argued more than we ever had.  But we got through it.  Not only did we get through it, but the struggles made us stronger.  I'm closer to B and his family than I ever would have imagined before the accident.  Going through the ordeal together has strengthened our bonds and increased our appreciation for one another.  And after overcoming all that, it’s made me even more certain that we can take on anything that comes our way.

While planning our wedding, B and I have tried to think of ways to honor those loved ones whom we have lost, especially B's brother.  Mike will be listed as B’s Best Man in the program, with B’s best friend as Acting Best Man.  B is also planning to wear the "Live Like Mike" wristband that his high school class designed in his honor.  B's sister gave us the eternal candle that she used in honor of Mike at her own wedding in 2007. We’ll also probably have the standard vase of flowers for our beloved dead, as well as listing them in the program.  But part of me feels like we aren't doing enough to honor Mike's memory.

People have said that doing too much to honor the dead on your wedding day verges on morbid, and that the day should be about the couple, but to me not doing these things would seem untrue to us.  Losing Mike was a defining moment in our relationship, and it wouldn't seem right to avoid the subject of his death simply because it may make others briefly uncomfortable.

So I don't know.  What do you think?  Are there other ways we could pay homage to Mike on our wedding day?  It doesn't need to be anything public, necessarily.  I just really feel compelled to find a way to personally honor the brother we lost too soon.  Any suggestions?

(personal photo)